I Love Maxims

I love maxims. No, not the high-gloss magazine with semi-nude girls on the front. Maxims—short statements that give us wisdom and principles of conduct. I’ve spent hours in my life reading The Sayings of So-and-So or So-and-So’s Maxims. I love that with maxims, the words are few but the thoughts that come from them are big. I also love envisioning a thousand scenes that illustrate each truth.

One of the maxims that has helped me is from the great missionary/statesman E. Stanley Jones. He said, “My critics are the unpaid guardians of my soul.”

Now, these weren’t easy words for me to hear. Jones wanted me to look fully into what my critics and my enemies said about me to see if there was any truth. Then, he wanted me to get busy changing what needed to be changed—based on the hurtful words of people who wanted to hurt me.

Now, I grew up in the home of a harsh, military father, and I was overly sensitive to any critical words. Speak harshly to me in my twenties and I would likely slink away to nurse my wounds and make plans to avoid you forever. Or, perhaps, make plans to bomb your house! I would never consider that what you said might be true or beneficial to me. I just couldn’t get past the pain.

When I heard Jones’ words, I decided to try. I wanted so badly to be an exceptional man. I began listening to what people said to me. Sometimes, they were angry. Sometimes, I heard that veiled criticism we pick up in the humor of friends. There were also the side comments from people I hardly knew. Once in a while there was kind, direct, hard-hitting correction from someone who wanted to help me.

I got in the habit of writing down the core of each bit of criticism I received, and then I would write what today they would call an action statement from it. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. It wasn’t as though I was constantly criticized. I also hadn’t descended into some type of self-abuse that had me addicted to the pain of harsh words.

Instead, I had simply come to accept three possibilities for any harsh words said about me. First, they weren’t true and needed to be discarded. Second, they weren’t true but needed to be addressed. Third, they had some truth in them that could help me be a better man.

The benefits of thinking like this changed my life. Keep in mind that I was raised by a father who hardly spoke to me unless he had something critical to say. So I spent most of my early life either desperate for guidance or wounded by critical words. It was confusing. When I heard this maxim from E. Stanley Jones, it moved me to make one of the most important turns of my life.

First, just finding the courage to face criticism led to most of this change. Anytime you face what you’ve run from, you face what you most fear, you stop living in reaction. You start being bold. You start being a bit of a warrior. This can grow over time. It did in me.

Second, it made me not take all criticism the same way. Some of it is just insult without any truth. Example: You’re too stupid to live! Not true. Dump it.

Some of it comes from misunderstanding that can be worked out. Example: You are a liar! You told them in that meeting I shouldn’t get a promotion. Answer: Nope. I wasn’t even there. All fixed.

Some of it has truth in it. Example in my case: You are a real ass, you know that? You make me feel like I bore you the moment I open my mouth. Ahh. Truth. I’m not bored, but the way I listen—leaning back in my chair, looking off in the distance—sends the wrong signal. Something to fix. Something to practice. Something that makes me a better father, friend, husband, and leader. Thank you, Critic! You’ve been an unpaid guardian of my soul.

We have a choice. We can arrogantly reject all criticism. It means we will never grow. We can take all criticism as rejection and slink away in pain. It can lead to hate and even vengeance but it will never lead to change. Or, we can realize that there are truths that make us better in what our critics have to say.

Everyone gets criticized. No one goes through life unbruised. I want to learn the lessons the bruises have to teach, and let them make me a better man.

Jump in this with me. It will help you lance your fear. It will make you more approachable. It will make you wiser. It will help you fix what you can’t see on your own.

This is an art of living. Let your critics be the unpaid guardians of your soul. Now, on to other maxims!

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