“Demons I Have Known and Loved”

I have a friend who is a college coach. He’s one of those exceptional men who digs deep into the lives of his players, his coaches, and his friends so that they can be exceptional too. There is a topic he often talks about because he’s seen it do such good in people’s lives. From time to time, he even threatens to write a book about it. He never will, but he has a title. It’s this: “Demons I Have Known and Loved.”

Now, he intends this as a humorous thing. He’s not even talking about actual demons, necessarily. His point is brilliant: the things we most like about ourselves are the things that often mean our defeat.

When I first heard this, I didn’t quite get it. Over time, though, it settled in. Now it is a guiding truth of my life.

Imagine a family known for their fiery, Irish temper. They have their gifts and their virtues, but if you really press them you find out that they like their ability to explode. They like the power it gives them. They like telling stories of how they chewed someone out or about how hot they were when some offense occurred. They report back to each other about angry moments and the power of taking someone’s head off.

Or suppose a friend of yours is highly relational and if he had to confess, he would tell you that the thing he most likes about himself is his ability to get along with everyone. He never offends, never ruffles. He’s always affable, always easy going. He can’t think of anyone who doesn’t like him. This could be the very “demon” ruining his life.

I’ve known people like this. They are so relational, so eager for everyone to like them, they never take a stand, never say the tough things that must be said. In fact, they never risk any relationship for the sake of doing the right thing. Even for a friend.

In the imaginary case of this friend, we’re glad he’s friendly but we also see that he’s a coward. His idol is being liked. It makes him almost a traitor to every other cause. He likes this about himself. It has become the demon he knows and loves, the demon ruining his life and leadership.

I could go on.  I should tell you that I have had to face this in my own life. It wasn’t easy. I obviously have some gift for using words. It’s a major part of my life since I’m a writer and a speaker. I long ago started liking this about myself. My coach friend helped me realize that I liked my power of verbal command so much that I used it to wound, used it to separate myself from people, and used it to dominate. The demon I knew and loved was strangling what I loved and keeping me from what I was made to be. I can’t fully describe how painful this was to confront and how hard I had to fight it. In some cases, I started fighting too late. And I still have to fight. Demons always try to return to lush places. My sometimes-haughty soul can be a lush place.

How did I fight? I pushed in the opposite direction. I asked God’s help. I got simple and clean in my language and worked to pour as much love into as little expression as possible. I shut up at times. I kept an eye on my motives. I stopped wielding words as a sword and used them to heal. I made it my goal to fill loved ones and friends with simple, loving, faith-filled words that would live in their souls. I’m not there yet. I am, though, a happy warrior in the fight.

What about you? Take inventory. Ask your spouse or friend. What demon do you know and love? What do you love about yourself that is becoming a stronghold and ruining what you could be, what you could mean for others.

Demons I have known and loved. I hate this truth. I hate this truth in me. I hate it when coach is right. He always is. Get clean with me.

Oh and, men, you’ll want to hear my podcast from The Art of Manliness. You can listen here.

By the way, pre-season football is just weeks away. The summer doldrums are about to end.

And have a good weekend.

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